Art

So one day several months back I was sitting in the McDonald’s Play Place in Bountiful happily eating my grilled chicken sandwich while I watched Lucy disappear and reappear from the gigantic play "thing". Not far from me was an older gentleman who was there with his brood of grand kids. I knew because while I was there he had a continuous stream of requests. "Grandpa can I get an ice cream cone?" as he would promptly pull out a one dollar bill and say "Sure. Here ya go", every time.


It wasn't long before we struck up a conversation which lasted about an hour. As long as the kids were happy we kept talking. His name was Art Nielsen and he had been a teacher and coach for over 40 years. He's currently in his 80's and substitute teaches 4 days a week in south Davis County and loves every second of it. It was so weird to me, but I felt such a connection with this 80 year old man. It was a little serendipitous and I couldn't help but feel at the right place at the right time.

The thing I learned about Art during our conversation was that the relationships in his life were the most important thing to him. And it wasn't just the relationship with his spouse or his children, but every relationship was important to him. He was full of stories about kids he'd been able to help over the years and I was amazed as I listened. What impressed me the most was that Art gave his complete trust to these kids he'd never met. He would work with them one on one, he would talk with their parents, he would listen, he would even loan them money if they asked for it. Art gave them something few teachers and adults ever give kids. He gave them trust. He told me that he couldn't control whether they trusted him, but he chose to place all the trust he had in them.

I recently read a book called Anatomy of Peace. The objective of the book is to teach us how to resolve conflict in our lives. One of the first lessons taught is how to identify whether we are seeing others as people or as objects. To put this in very basic terms, when we see someone as a person we acknowledge that that person has needs and feelings just like us. Where as when we see someone as an object, they don't have individual feelings or needs, but are just part of a group, social class or "type" of people. By labeling someone as an object, it strips them of any personal or individual feelings or characteristics. This can be applied on so many levels, but the lesson is always the same. We treat others differently when we see them as people instead of objects. The book goes on to explain how these views of others effect our relationships and teaches how to over come these challenges we all face.

I have to say, it feels like it's been a long time since I felt sadness about the end of my marriage. I felt I had come to accept that what was done was done and I needed to focus on the future. Reading that book brought back a pain I hadn't felt in a long time. It's that pain that comes when we realize that we have seen those we love as objects and not as human beings. I found myself wishing I could go back and change the past, that I could have reacted differently in certain situations or just been a better person over all. The problem with pain is that, as uncomfortable as it may be, I believe it's a catalyst for changes we must make.

I got to see Art recently. He spoke in a fireside and as I listened to his stories again, I was so impressed by him. It's so hard to explain, but when I look at Art, I see someone who sees no objects, but only the people he is surrounded by. He would give you his time, his money and his love if you asked for it, and probably the same even if you didn't ask for it. The love from this man flows like a river. Unrestrained. I want to be like that. I don't know how, because I'm hopelessly flawed and selfish, but I want to be like Art. God willing. Someday.

IN GOD WE TRUST

A friend of mine recently posted a status on facebook saying this, "Do you really think an all knowing God would punish a people for not recognizing him in temporal matters? How about we leave God to religious matters and not be so juvenile as to say that our particular form of diety is childlike and will throw a tantrum if we don't recognize him/her/it in all matters." His comment was in response to the argument of removing "In God We Trust" from our currency and his view is that God has better things to do than to worry about His name on our currency. This was posted over a week ago and I have been thinking about it ever since.


I don't want to talk about the whole currency issue. I hope the words "IN GOD WE TRUST" stay on our currency, and hopefully by the end of this post you'll understand why. But that's not what I want to talk about. I've been thinking a lot about God lately. I think it's important for you who read this to know that I believe in an all powerful God who created the Universe and everything in it, including us. That being said, I also believe that it is that same power, God, who causes the sun to shine, the grass to grow and our hearts to beat and lungs to breathe every day. I don't know how it works, but it does. Planets revolve around the sun and embryos become babies. There is a system to this universe, to which you and I are integral parts of. I want to share a quote by a woman named Marianne Williamson:

"To trust in the force that moves the universe is faith. Faith isn't blind, it's visionary. Faith is believing that the universe is on our side, and that the universe knows what it's doing. Faith is the psychological awareness of an unfolding force for good, constantly at work in all dimensions. Our attempts to direct this force only interferes with it. Our willingness to relax into it allows it to work on our behalf. Without faith, we are frantically trying to control what it is not our business to control, and fix what it is not our power to fix. What we're trying to control is much better off without us, and what we're trying to fix can't be fixed by us anyway. Without faith, we're wasting time."

Those of you who know me well know that I used to do a lot of river running. I remember an experience I had when I first started to guide boats down the river. In my mind there was a specific course I had to keep my boat on. In my mind, I couldn't stray for my course or something would go wrong. It was like in my mind there were lines painted on the river and I had to stay in those lines or there would be trouble. After a long day and several runs down the river I was exhausted. It wasn't fun. I didn't want to do it again and I kept thinking "Why is this so hard?" I would see other guides with commercial rafting companies floating down the river with ease, knowing that they would probably go on four runs that day and I could barely make it through two! I talked with my Dad about it and he reminded me that there is a current to the river. If you stay in the current the river will take you where you need to go. My job was to keep my boat in the current. That lesson made guiding my boat so much easier.

I've thought about that lesson a lot throughout my life. How often to we try to control our lives? To control people and processes. It's like trying to paint lines on a river. The truth about rivers is that we can only see the surface. Sometimes the water is rough and sometimes it's smooth and glassy, but there is always a current even if it's running deep under the surface. We can learn to trust in the force or we can fight against it. Fighting against it is always harder. Like Marianne Williamson said, "our willingness to relax into it allows it to work on our behalf."

I hope we choose to trust in God. I realize this is a hard thing. It involves surrendering everything we think we want and having faith that God, the One who makes the sun shine every day and the grass grow, will make our lives what they're supposed to be. Not just in spiritual matters, as my friend suggest, but in every aspect of our lives. This is faith, and something our country needs more of. If you ask me, IN GOD WE TRUST should be printed on every building, on every billboard and most importantly, on every heart.

A Toast to Toast!

I've decided it's about time for me to explore a deep dark obsession I've had for quite some time now. It's my unquenchable love for toast. Now this is not just any love of toast, I have a very refined and specific taste for good toast. In my mind there are specific guidelines that must be followed in order to create the best toast.

The Bread. Not just any bread will make good toast. You can't pop that Wonderbread crap in toaster and expect anything good to come of it. Let's face it some breads make better toast than others. I, being the grainy girl that I am prefer the whole wheat variety. Most 100% whole wheat breads will do. I prefer a more hearty bread for best results. Also, I recommend using an organic sprouted wheat bread. The most common form is called Ezekiel bread and it's based on a recipe found in the bible. I know, you didn't realize there were recipes in the bible. Surprise! It's not to heavy, but still hearty and it is oh so satisfying with out being to much.

Butter or Margarine. Always, always, always (I repeat always) choose BUTTER! It's real people. I know we're all concerned with butter being to fatty, but reality is it's much more gentle on your system than margarine which is usually pumped with synthetic preservatives and crap. The key to enjoying butter is moderation. A little goes a long way. In the words of Julia child, "I LOVE BUTTER!"...mmmmmmmmmm.

Peanut Butter. Spread it on when your toast has just come out of the toaster and it'll kind of melt a little bit...and so will you! Delicious! I'm a peanut butter snob and only use organic or all natural peanut butter with no hydrogenated oils. You'll live longer. Trust me ;o)

Bananas & Raisins. Adding banana's and Raisins to toast topped with PB is one of my favorite snacks. It has that hearty, grainy, sweet yet satisfying appeal that I want in a snack. One slice will last you all afternoon... or morning. It's also a great midnight snack.

Agave. This is God's gift to hypoglycemics like myself. Agave is a natural sweetener derived from the agave plant. It's organic and has a low glycemic index so it's more like a carb than a sugar. You can find it at most whole food stores and it makes a great sugar substitute. I've made zucchini bread and other baked goods with it and it worked great. I like it because you get the sweet you want with out the highs and lows that sugar brings to your system. Having a warm piece of Ezekiel bread smothered with butter and agave is like cheesecake to me. Add peanut butter to that and it's like pimped out cheesecake with nuts, and berries drizzled all over it. I'm salivating just thinking about it.

So now you know my secret. I absolutely LOVE (and crave) toast. Everyday. In my opinion, it is natures candy bar. I want to hear what you like on your toast. Please share!

Dropping The Ball

Almost two months ago I met this really awesome guy online named James. From the first time we chatted we just had chemistry. After several chats, we moved to phone calls and texting. After a month of getting to know you's (and plenty of flirting) we FINALLY went out. I must say, it was one of my top dates ever! Conversation was easy and we had so much in common! It was so much better than I even expected. After a 2 hour dinner with non stop talking, we decided to extend things and go to a movie. Long story short, after much fighting over the armrest, I initiated some hand holding (which I've NEVER done on a date) and we held hands through the majority of the movie. At one point I asked if his arm was comfortable and he said, "Yes...and I really want to kiss you... and I'm usually really slow...but..." As much as I wanted to (and trust me. I wanted to!) I told him he was going to have to wait, but I of course kept holding (and caressing) his hand. After the date we headed out to our cars, hugged and exchanged "I had a good time"'s and then headed home. We texted a couple times the following days after and then I haven't heard from him for 3 weeks.

This brings me to the topic of this blog post--Dropping the ball. I remember having a pretty in depth conversation with a friend years ago. He had quite a history with relationships. He would date a girl for a while and things would be going really well and then when he lost interest he would just stop contacting her. Cold turkey. Since my friend and I were traveling together at the time, I thought I would take advantage of our travel time together to figure out what it was in the male mind that would make him think that dropping off the face of the planet was a good idea. Ultimately what I discovered was that he thought disappearing would be easier on her. "I didn't want to hurt her" was his answer. I couldn't help but point out that the only person it was easier for was him and that all he did was leave some poor girl wondering what the heck happened?!

I think this is a common mindset among men. "I don't want to hurt her feelings". But let's think about this for a second...and consider not only the intensity of the pain of breaking up, but also the length of time it takes to get over someone. Would it be better to A) Tell someone you've enjoyed getting to know them, but you just aren't interested or that you're not ready for a relationship. Or the alternative B)Stop calling. Stop communicating and leave her wondering if you got in a freak car accident or you left the country or maybe even got back with your ex. Should she wait? Should she move on? There was chemistry...but where did he go? Obviously he's not interested, but we got along so well!

The obvious difference is closure. Is that such a hard gift to give? Ultimately it's a sign of respect for the other person. Is it hard? Yes--It's always hard to break up or tell someone you're just not interested. But at least you know how the other person feels and can move forward. So I challenge all of you to complete the incomplete. Bite the bullet and be honest with your feelings and with others. (This goes for you too ladies!)

I'm sure you're wondering how I'm going to get over James. I always envision relationships like a game of pass the ball. When you initiate a contact you've passed the ball and it's up to the other person to respond. I've passed the ball to James and he stood there with his hands to his side and let the ball bounce back to me. Of course I threw it back! I liked this guy! But there he stood. Hands to his sides and the ball bounced right back to me. He dropped the ball. So. I'm going to find someone else to play with.

When I grow up

Do you know what you want to be when you grow up? I always thought I did, but I'm finding out that I really don't. Divorce will do that to you-- take all your plans and throw them up in the air and mess em all up!! As frustrating as it is, I have to admit that I've enjoyed the opportunity to really think about what it is that I want to do with my life.

Recently I started working with my dear friend Cosette who is a dream coach. I work with her once a week and we're working on getting clear about what it is that I want to do and learning how to set goals and make my dreams a reality. Of course, to make your dreams come true it's important to have a clear picture of what your dream is. This is where I struggle!! My dream was always to raise a righteous family and love and care for a spouse and children, but unfortunately that dream doesn't pay the bills! Although that is still my dream, I have had to broaden my view and figure out what my dream career is, but ultimately who I want to become.

Now here is where I'm struggling. It's been hard for me to think of what I want to do because I keep trying to fit it into a title, for example "teacher" or "entrepreneur". But I'm just not feeling the title thing. So I've decided to just make a list of things I am passionate about that I would like to do in a career and then figure out where I fit. I realize this could set me up for some long term career as an underwater yoga and basket weaving instructor, but if I loved it, who cares?!!

I invite you to play along with me here. I'm going to list some things that I'm passionate about doing and you tell me what career I can have that would encompass all of these elements and at the same time bring me lots and lots of money. (**remember the lots of money part!!**)

Here goes... I love to teach and share with others. I would love to work in an environment where I felt like there was an exchange of ideas and energy with others. I love to present. I would accept a public speaking assignment any day and be happy as a clam about it. I enjoy working with other people often, but not all the time. I need to be exchanging ideas and feelings with others. It totally energizes me. I want everyday to engage me mentally, physically and emotionally. Especially emotionally...but not in a draining way. I love music and ideally would like to share my talent and passion for it with others. I feel like communicating through music is a strength I have and I want to use that. I am passionate about health and achieving a mind/body/spirit connection. I embrace alternative forms of medicine and health and feel passionately about sharing that with others.

So the challenge I give to my 4 followers (yes, I have 4 followers now!!) and anyone else who reads this, is to tell me what title you would give my dream job. Get those creative juices flowing~~~ I can't wait to hear what you come up with!!