Monday, August 24, 2009

Dropping The Ball

Almost two months ago I met this really awesome guy online named James. From the first time we chatted we just had chemistry. After several chats, we moved to phone calls and texting. After a month of getting to know you's (and plenty of flirting) we FINALLY went out. I must say, it was one of my top dates ever! Conversation was easy and we had so much in common! It was so much better than I even expected. After a 2 hour dinner with non stop talking, we decided to extend things and go to a movie. Long story short, after much fighting over the armrest, I initiated some hand holding (which I've NEVER done on a date) and we held hands through the majority of the movie. At one point I asked if his arm was comfortable and he said, "Yes...and I really want to kiss you... and I'm usually really slow...but..." As much as I wanted to (and trust me. I wanted to!) I told him he was going to have to wait, but I of course kept holding (and caressing) his hand. After the date we headed out to our cars, hugged and exchanged "I had a good time"'s and then headed home. We texted a couple times the following days after and then I haven't heard from him for 3 weeks.

This brings me to the topic of this blog post--Dropping the ball. I remember having a pretty in depth conversation with a friend years ago. He had quite a history with relationships. He would date a girl for a while and things would be going really well and then when he lost interest he would just stop contacting her. Cold turkey. Since my friend and I were traveling together at the time, I thought I would take advantage of our travel time together to figure out what it was in the male mind that would make him think that dropping off the face of the planet was a good idea. Ultimately what I discovered was that he thought disappearing would be easier on her. "I didn't want to hurt her" was his answer. I couldn't help but point out that the only person it was easier for was him and that all he did was leave some poor girl wondering what the heck happened?!

I think this is a common mindset among men. "I don't want to hurt her feelings". But let's think about this for a second...and consider not only the intensity of the pain of breaking up, but also the length of time it takes to get over someone. Would it be better to A) Tell someone you've enjoyed getting to know them, but you just aren't interested or that you're not ready for a relationship. Or the alternative B)Stop calling. Stop communicating and leave her wondering if you got in a freak car accident or you left the country or maybe even got back with your ex. Should she wait? Should she move on? There was chemistry...but where did he go? Obviously he's not interested, but we got along so well!

The obvious difference is closure. Is that such a hard gift to give? Ultimately it's a sign of respect for the other person. Is it hard? Yes--It's always hard to break up or tell someone you're just not interested. But at least you know how the other person feels and can move forward. So I challenge all of you to complete the incomplete. Bite the bullet and be honest with your feelings and with others. (This goes for you too ladies!)

I'm sure you're wondering how I'm going to get over James. I always envision relationships like a game of pass the ball. When you initiate a contact you've passed the ball and it's up to the other person to respond. I've passed the ball to James and he stood there with his hands to his side and let the ball bounce back to me. Of course I threw it back! I liked this guy! But there he stood. Hands to his sides and the ball bounced right back to me. He dropped the ball. So. I'm going to find someone else to play with.

Monday, August 17, 2009

When I grow up

Do you know what you want to be when you grow up? I always thought I did, but I'm finding out that I really don't. Divorce will do that to you-- take all your plans and throw them up in the air and mess em all up!! As frustrating as it is, I have to admit that I've enjoyed the opportunity to really think about what it is that I want to do with my life.

Recently I started working with my dear friend Cosette who is a dream coach. I work with her once a week and we're working on getting clear about what it is that I want to do and learning how to set goals and make my dreams a reality. Of course, to make your dreams come true it's important to have a clear picture of what your dream is. This is where I struggle!! My dream was always to raise a righteous family and love and care for a spouse and children, but unfortunately that dream doesn't pay the bills! Although that is still my dream, I have had to broaden my view and figure out what my dream career is, but ultimately who I want to become.

Now here is where I'm struggling. It's been hard for me to think of what I want to do because I keep trying to fit it into a title, for example "teacher" or "entrepreneur". But I'm just not feeling the title thing. So I've decided to just make a list of things I am passionate about that I would like to do in a career and then figure out where I fit. I realize this could set me up for some long term career as an underwater yoga and basket weaving instructor, but if I loved it, who cares?!!

I invite you to play along with me here. I'm going to list some things that I'm passionate about doing and you tell me what career I can have that would encompass all of these elements and at the same time bring me lots and lots of money. (**remember the lots of money part!!**)

Here goes... I love to teach and share with others. I would love to work in an environment where I felt like there was an exchange of ideas and energy with others. I love to present. I would accept a public speaking assignment any day and be happy as a clam about it. I enjoy working with other people often, but not all the time. I need to be exchanging ideas and feelings with others. It totally energizes me. I want everyday to engage me mentally, physically and emotionally. Especially emotionally...but not in a draining way. I love music and ideally would like to share my talent and passion for it with others. I feel like communicating through music is a strength I have and I want to use that. I am passionate about health and achieving a mind/body/spirit connection. I embrace alternative forms of medicine and health and feel passionately about sharing that with others.

So the challenge I give to my 4 followers (yes, I have 4 followers now!!) and anyone else who reads this, is to tell me what title you would give my dream job. Get those creative juices flowing~~~ I can't wait to hear what you come up with!!

Friday, August 14, 2009

Finding Mr.

So I have recently realized that I need to get out and start meeting people. After my hiatus, the extrovert in me has been ready to get out and meet some new people. Considering my current situation this is virtually impossible. Think about it... I work full time from home, I care for my daughter the rest of my day, I attend the same family ward I grew up in and aside from the park and the grocery store...that's it! Like I said, meeting new people is virtually impossible.

So I have made the decision to Were it not for several friends with success stories, I would have never done this, but let's face it, what other options do I have? I started doing this around the beginning of July and it's been an interesting month, to say the least. I've been approached by some interesting characters. One of the first people to contact me sent me the link to this YouTube video. Q I wish I could let you view the video right here, but I can't. So please click on it. Let's just say, I was a little creeped out. Did I respond? Not to mention the guy was 20 years my senior. You're not robbing this cradle Mr!! CREEPY.

Stay tuned for more of my online dating experiences... and please share your own if you have them!

Tuesday, August 11, 2009


Hiatus: an interruption in time or continuity.

As many of you have noted, I have been on a blogging hiatus for over a year. It's been a stressful year with lots of changes in our family. I thought pretty much everyone knew, but I have recently discovered that many of you didn't know, but I am now divorced. Without going into the gory details of it all, it will suffice to say that there were issues we were unable to resolve and as a result, separation was the best option. Nothing more really needs to be said about it, other than I have felt a great deal of peace come from this decision and I have great hope for a future filled with opportunities.

Not only have I taken a hiatus from blogging, but I have also taken a hiatus from life. After my divorce I threw myself into work and life and did everything to busy myself and stay distracted from the reality of my situation. I didn't know how to deal with it and so I wasn't. I was avoiding it. It was about March when felt this overwhelming need to stop. I stopped doing anything extra in my life--No second job, no extra activities, no pressure, no demands. Everything needed to stop. It was made pretty clear to me that I had been on a path that would only lead to more heart ache, if I didn't stop and address the issues of my heart. I needed to stop avoiding and start looking at myself and who I am.

Long story short, this has been the best thing I have ever done for myself. It's been amazing to me how much better I function as a human being when my my needs are met and I feel like I have honored myself. Learning to honor ourselves is such a hard thing. We are giving by nature and I think it's easy to give everything we have and every moment of our day to those around us, but the down side to that is that we are left empty. I don't like the word empty, which is probably why I'm a "glass is half full" kind of girl. I don't' ever want to feel "empty". I have had to ask myself many times, "what can I do today that will honor me?" Answering that question for me has meant things like making time to eat right, practicing Yoga on a consistent basis, and making time for sincere prayer. Also, I have had a great desire to connect with the people around me more. I feel energized when I am around others. Even people I don't know or won't talk to, but there is an energy that I get from even going to the store. It's a strange thing that's hard to explain, but I need to be near others. Their energy feeds mine. All of these needs have evolved and I am continuing to figure out how much and how often I need these things in my life. I am a rough draft that keeps getting worked over. Hopefully someday I can become the masterpiece God intends me to be.

I want to hear from you--my 3 followers!! How do you honor yourself? I'd love to hear what you do that renews your mind, body and spirit.